So the past few weeks have been pretty solid packed with work as the season comes in and you realize that you left a lot of crap on the snow to get covered with more snow, and then when it melts, it’s like the whole place is littered with all kinds of garbage that you need to take care of, and some things that you forgot you had, or were searching for relentlessly in the snow.
Spring came and went, without much to-do. It was lovely, I did some venturing around. Now summer seems to be upon us, and as we move along and the days begin to shorten there is so much that you need to do to keep on things. This doesn’t mean the curve balls and twists in the story of life are any different. It means that you have those in addition to other responsibilities.
Earlier this week, I had a run in with some wildlife, really not all that uncommon when you’re wandering in their territory. I mean they go wherever they want to and do as they please. So it was no surprise to me when Bambi came trotting along into my path and ran me off the trail so she could get where she was going. Needless to say, she didn’t get very far, and I had some fresh venison for my rations. I would need to make sure it was properly cured so I could store it. So I made some jerky and other things for my hiking excursions.
As time sort of just blends together here, I spend a lot of time thinking about what the people in my life that have come and gone are up to. I think about some more than others, I think about some daily, and others periodically. The interesting thing about this is, when I think about people daily, I tend to not reach out to them as often. When I think about people more periodically I’m more likely to call, write, or drop in on them. I have this oddness about me that maintains connections with people fairly well and maybe even uncomfortably for some. I like to let people know that I’m thinking about them because you never know when that simple action may change their day. I also love when people do it to me. So feel free.
The person I think about the most is my most recent ex. They're the reason I feel the need to be isolated. Well, it’s not all their fault, I was present in that whole mess as well, so I’m here because of me. They were just the catalyst for the need for me to be where I am.
That said, I have a friend that I think about constantly. (See: Thorn in my side Post) I’ve loved them for over a decade. We parted ways as young men on our own adventures. We’ve reconnected over the years several times socially, and there has always been an unspoken and spoken desire for us to pursue that possibility. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought over the past few months and I am getting to the point where I don’t think I can move along unless we do pursue that option. I’m holding myself back from saying that out loud to them because logistically and financially it could be disastrous, we don’t live anywhere reasonably close to where we can make this happen easily. I’ve rationalized everything about this person. Their attractiveness, our interests, their drive and ambition and how it would make me feel more driven. I learned in the past that I don’t want to compromise for someone to the point where I don’t recognize myself anymore. I am finally stable where I am and enjoy the life I’ve built for myself. I don’t know how to introduce that to them, nor do I know if they would even share the interest.
I have a feeling this conversation will happen this weekend. I hope so. It’s time, I’m ready, and it needs to be resolved.
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