Thorn in my side

So there's been a song that's been on every playlist and disc and mix tape I've made since 2001. It's not my favourite song, it's a song that no matter where I am, or what I'm doing I think of the same thing. It's a memory, a fond one. 

The memory is a time past where everything was uncertain and the road ahead was limitless and exciting. I remember exactly where I was, who I was with, and the symbolism of the music. 

I've tormented myself with this music for nearly a decade and a half. The unrequited feelings that I've had for the person I was with. Knowing that no matter what I do, that person will always have a portion of my heart and it will belong to no other. 

So, what do you do?  Well in my case (our case) you try to carry on with life, you attempt to have the same feelings for others. Always in the back of your mind wondering where they are, what they're doing and if they're thinking about you as you are them. 

Pretty powerful stuff, and I'm sure you're wanting to know what song has been on every playlist since the advent of MP3 but I don't think I'm going to tell you. 

So let's cover off some of the nonsense that has happened as a result of this chunk of my heart being reserved for someone that was kept at an arms length.

First of all, I've kept them at an arms length and as a result I'm sure they've had a more difficult time moving on than they should have. Sometimes it's important to let go and allow someone to move on. 

Secondly, because we have maintained contact over the years, there has been awkward moments that you try not to acknowledge but you both know they are there. You avoid talking about them because you are afraid to resolve them. You fear resolution because you will either walk away feeling empty because there's nothing more than the status quo left, or there's a whole lot more to the situation that will make it complex and instantly confusing. 

Thirdly, you see them doing well, you avoid throwing a wrench into their life, but you look at all the things that you want and you see them with the very values and hobbies that are important to you. You resolve that you're living life in tandem but apart. 

This is tormenting, where do you go. Over the next few months I resolve to address this issue and resolve the conflict for both of us. I have no idea what form this will take, but it needs to be done. I remember one point where they asked me to let them go, so they could live. I did what I needed to do to accommodate their request and a year went by with no contact. Since then, it doesn't seem that anything changed.

Do the lyrics of that song have an eternal symbolism of the relationship we are destined for, or am I being overly analytical. 

Paulo out!