Just a series of events to look forward to so that we don’t lose all will to keep going.
Watching all your friends get the things you always envisioned for yourself knowing the time has passed is hard. The biggest charity is being happy for them as your heart breaks more and more by their success. But being too selfless to tell them how you’re feeling because you don’t want to piss on their parade.
Investing energy in people with the hopes (expectation) that they will know to send it back your way when you need it. Then feeling defeated/insignificant when that doesn’t happen. Which makes you want to give up putting in the effort, but knowing how hard you fight when you’re not good keeps you from ever doing it to someone else in case you’re the only thing keeping them tethered to your world.
Being honest about all the good feelings and thoughts and fighting the urge to share the bad thoughts with someone so that your worlds serve to build people instead.
Wondering when you will find the balance.
