Took a bit of a hiatus for a while from posting, back at it now, and what better way that to tell you about one of my very first experiences dating, or whatever it is that kids call it these days.
Backing up a bit... I dropped back down from base camp a while back and little would I have known that people had missed me. I was feeling particularly loved and not needing to be alone with my thoughts as much. This was quite a development for me. I mean, I had spent a lot of my time hiding, and avoiding people. So, when I'm in the midst of people and I was able to make new friends, and have different connections. It was cool, and a bit strange. I grew some confidence and decided that it would be alright to start trying to find some romance for my life.
To say that things had changed in the dating world in a decade was an understatement. We went from flip phones to flipping through a flow of images and matching others who made a 5 second judgement of us based on what we could cram into a picture taken at arms length. There was a lot of marketing to this new reality. I never was a good game player or sales person. Never the less I garnered up the strength to push on and plant the seeds towards a friendship or romance. Here's how it went.
The culture around dating, has become very transactional, people don't want to settle down, they want a quick and dirty interaction with someone. Then when all is said and done, they move along only to come back later on. Or, at least this is how it seemed to me. Trying to find someone willing to be more than a quick romp as proving to be difficult. Before I knew it, I was dodging people like they were shooting at me with a pellet gun. Not unlike this art that looks like its been pierced with random pieces of aluminum.
So, back to the story of how I got dumped while being single. It's not such a story about someone intentionally being a terrible human, and being selfish. Well, that's how I frame it in my mind. Allow me to present the facts;
I met the individual online we chatted for a few weeks and they showed interest. Immediately, I noted a 12 year age gap and approached cautiously. I found them very attractive (still do) so that was another red flag for me. How can someone attractive not be involved. I found out they had studied arts, and it was interesting enough. They took interest in some things I didn't know anything about. That's alright I can learn about new things.
At the time, I was getting ready to leave on a trip to Europe. I made it clear that I was going to be gone for 4 weeks and that I didn't think it would be smart to start anything before I left. Things were relaxed and casual between the two of us when we met up. On one occasion we hooked up. It was nice, but it didn't plant a seed that I should change my mind about keeping things on hold until after I got home.
I've found with people, they either get to know me and really like me after a week or two, or they don't. Some people don't try for a second meeting. That's ok, I've never quite understood how people can figure out if a person is friendship material or not after 20 minutes, but it happens.
There was a point on one of our meet ups where this individual mentioned that they wanted me to not worry about feeling any type of attachment while I was gone on my trip. I wasn't worried about that at all, and reiterated that I wasn't at that point with them, and definitely was going to behave as though I were single.
So, I head off to Europe, casually chatting with the individual while I was gone and seeing how things were going with them and the various events they were attending that I happened to be missing out on. After a few days, I noticed that the messages got more and more infrequent. Perfectly normal, there was a pretty big time difference between us, so maybe they were not sure of the time, and didn't want to wake me. I didn't think too much of it. A few more days went by, and the responses were slow, and became one word responses. Uh-oh. The natural flow of conversation we had was losing strength. Being the guy I am. I asked about it directly.
Me: "Hey, is everything cool? I've been getting a pretty solid fuck off vibe from you lately..."
Them: "Yeah, but we should probably have a long talk when you get home..."
Me: "I have time right now, lets talk."
Them: "It's something we should talk about in person..."
Me: "Alright, well, I'll be home in 3 weeks, talk then?"
Them: "Sounds good"
So, with that exchange, I made a few assumptions, I let a lot of it go, which gave me strength. In the past, I would let things get me worked up for no reason. Now, I see no point getting all mixed up like cooked up bahn mi mixed up with chia seeds. This vacation needed to flow, and there was no point in starting to behave like something bad was coming. I didn't actually know what was up, I had to remember that. So, I decided I'd wait till I was home to interact with this individual again.
I got home, all was well. I reached out to my friend that needed to have a long talk with me. They spilled their guts out over text. So, there was no "in person" talk. I wasn't overly surprised. I've become very astute with my ability to have little faith in people. This was another confirmation of that. So what did they need to talk about, you ask.
The conversation was quick, and silly overall. They told me they had met someone just after I had left, and were really concerned with how I would react. I'm not sure how one would expect me to react, considering the situation. I was happy for them, which probably confused them. I read between the lines in the conversation a little bit and asked, "did you think that you and I were exclusive?" They said they did.
Their behaviour now made complete sense, they had been writhing in guilt for a few weeks, but really, how much guilt could there have been? They were now dating this individual that they met weeks prior. I was genuinely happy for them, hoped for the best. They wanted to make sure we could still hang out as friends because they enjoyed time with me. I was totally okay with that, and said sure. I poked at them for not telling me weeks prior as it wasn't a huge deal, and they had felt guilty the whole time for nothing. They said they felt silly, I told them they should. We left it at that, and I didn't really hear from them again.
So, if you want to know what kind of person I am, I'm the person that gets cheated on, and dumped, all without even knowing I was dating anyone. Either I'm clueless, or I'm a special kind of loser. I have to laugh, otherwise I'll cry. So, when people want to know why I disappear into the hills for years at a time, it's because humanity thinks it's alright to treat me this way.
As expected, a few months later, I got a text from the "cheater" they wanted to hang out, since they were single again. I asked what happened, they were vague about things and said only that "(the relationship) wasn't good for my health..." and "...a story better told in person..."
It was around this time that I decided that I would be ok being single forever.
The culture around dating, has become very transactional, people don't want to settle down, they want a quick and dirty interaction with someone. Then when all is said and done, they move along only to come back later on. Or, at least this is how it seemed to me. Trying to find someone willing to be more than a quick romp as proving to be difficult. Before I knew it, I was dodging people like they were shooting at me with a pellet gun. Not unlike this art that looks like its been pierced with random pieces of aluminum.
