We made it through.... and now, for my next trick.

Well it was high time I sent out an update, and filled all the loyal folks in on what was going on in my life.

Basecamp is no more. well the mountain base camp that I grew to love.  They became a thing of the past and I packed up and came down off the mountain in search of the next adventure.  

So, what does the next adventure look like.  It looks like a pilgrimage around the world in an effort to see as much of the world as I can before I no longer get to see the world. It means enjoying every moment and experience to it’s fullest.

The first thing I did after packing up basecamp was to go away on a vacation before I got serious about the next directions in my life.  Vacations are always supposed to be a time to reflect and shut down for me.  So, it comes as no surprise that while on vacation I lower my guards, am truer to my genuine self, and allow for things that otherwise wouldn’t be options to become possibilities.  In a few short words I open up my heart. 

In doing this, I’ve found that I get a chance to meet new and interesting people.  

Something different happened this time.

With my heart open, and accepting of the path that the universe was putting at my feet, I had the opportunity to meet and interact with someone who seemed to ignite an incredible energy in me.  The energy reminded me that I am responsible to find my truth, carve out my path to follow my dreams and make the world the most amazing place to be in for myself, and others along the my pathway.

They had me question everything about what I have done, am doing, and will do. They’ve got me obsessed with how the universe is setting out the path and how after all the rough patches along the way it seems clear to me now that things will begin to get better.   The shortest way out is through. 

I’m going to see this person again, and I expect they are destined to be a part of my journey in some way, even if I haven’t figured it out yet….

Hanging out - Feeling Like I'm Proud enough.

I'd like to start off by saying that I think having pride in oneself is important. Coming together to celebrate that as a community is also incredibly important. However, I think it's important to qualify that with the condition; "when it's genuine."

As we roll into June there are a variety of festivals taking place to celebrate all kinds of diversity. As we roll into the events that take place it seems like everyone and their dog (literally in some cases) are coming out of the wood work to be friendly and encourage attendance.

Over the past few weeks I've had a barrage of unsolicited invitations to various events on social networks, by text and in person. To the point where I'm closing event reminders daily (sometimes multiple times a day) to things I never accepted because social networks “conveniently” add them to my calendar automatically.

Now, to explain why I don't participate.  Reason number one is lack of time/energy. That one is self explanatory and before someone jumps up and says "reprioritize" wait for reason two.
Reason two, a general lack of interest as a result of a variety of things. One of them is, I don't have an interest genuinely in the events taking place. Another could be, I've got nothing to wear (seems trite, but relevant as you read on.) Finally, I'm pretty introverted and don't really enjoy rolling solo to an event where I don't know anyone (but that's the only way to meet people you say? Keep reading.)
Now as we boil down my experience I can sum it up succinctly by saying, "I don't feel like I want to belong to this community of people based merely on one aspect of who I am.  There are many more interesting things about myself than who I get intimate with."

A few things about me many people are surprised when they find out:

Cool stuff

• I Speak three languages
• I ride a motorbike
• I remember things triggered by dates, smells, and music. It's nearly perfect memory when it happens
• I like the sunrise and sunset

Not so cool stuff

• I have depression with an anxiety booster
• I don't like who I am when I'm in certain situations (mostly group social settings) 
• I'm vicious and ruthless when I'm on the defensive, so I'm constantly thinking if someone is intentionally being a jerk or if I just ignore it. (Exhausting) 

So, coming back to festivals and community. I don't fit. It's not my community, it's a community of people bound by one small facet of their being. It's a festival that brings people together for a week, likened to lent, where they try to make up for all the mean spirited things they have done to each other over the past year.

I've never seen a group of people with so much disdain for each other that they are ruthless in their bullying, relentless in their torment and with zero regard for peoples feelings in their interaction.  I mean, when was the last time someone in your community made you feel so excluded because of your sense of style, a hairstyle, the outfit you had on, or your physical appearance. I've seen it happening, dealt with the fallout when someone else had been beaten down so badly they were inconsolable, it's happened to me, and regrettably I've done it to others as well.

After having been on the sidelines for the better part of a decade now, (Relationship and recovery) I find myself facing some of these challenges again on a daily basis with people from the community.  I’ve all but given up, because for every 40 conversations, you end up with one that is notable and worth pursuing a friendship with.  Genuine and confident people are the cats ass.

In the meantime, I live in a remote, fairly progressive community.  I’ve begun socializing with people locally now, because I seem to have a higher rate of success in meeting genuine people.  I don’t hide who I am, and I encourage any questions people have and make it a point to respectfully answer most of them.

This experience has taught me that I don't need to go and be a part of a festival with people who are strangers to me. I have friends, neighbours and family right here at home that are becoming a larger part of my day to day life. I appreciate them, they build me up, I build them up. It's beautiful.  It's how it should be.

So, until I feel like the community of strangers decides that they need to build each other up consistently and genuinely in order to celebrate successes rather than challenge people to failure. I'm out! (See what I did there)

If you need to find me, I'll be drinking beer with the people close to me who don’t care if I’m wearing designer labels, or matching socks.  This is where I feel at home, and a part of something that I had been trying to find all along.

To everyone out there celebrating this week, stay safe, love each other inherently and without limits, each and every one of you is unique, and amazing!  Even the mean ones... You're just shielding yourself. I get it, I did it too. I hope that one day you find a place where you can set your shield down too. 

When you run out of time and base camp falls apart

There comes a point where you start to realize that you're only a man in a silly red cape.... no wait... that wasn't where I was going with this.

I've been busy lately getting basecamp sorted out now that the snow is gone.  I've been moving things around, seeing all the damage of the winter to my various equipment.  I'm wondering what I need to get done in the next few weeks to make this summer season a success.  I've been running this base camp for 24 months now, and It doesn't appear to be getting any easier.

It seems that my suppliers don't have any interest in helping me either, so I'm here running around on my own doing things.  To say the least I'm feeling overwhelmed.

What's my plan?  I don't know, maybe packing out, and rejoining society.  I would have to shave and get a hair cut.  I did manage to put together some hard shelter and make myself a work space.  It's not too shabby.  I had a chance to have a photo taken, I figured I should share it with my wonderful follower, but I can't get upload to work, so that's no good. Oh well, next time.

Paulo takes a vacation....

So, I left base camp. Well I traded in base camp for a temporary base camp. One with warm weather, palm trees and an ocean breeze. 

It's a struggle for me to be out with the general public. Much less to be around tourists, and even worse is being treated like a *gasp* tourist. I'm just here to people watch, see if I can have a conversation. Heck, even would like to have the courage to walk into a bar alone and order a drink. That seems minor but it's a pretty tall order considering where my head is at. 

My main struggle lately has been with self confidence, and that lends itself to disappointment, which lends to anger, which lends to depression. That's my psycho-babble on why I am so "unique" as someone so eloquently put it. I'd like to say I'm the strong silent type, but really I'm the strong silent types retarded third cousin twice removed; weak chicken shit type. 

So, here I sit in my current spot on a yellow bench of a busy corner feeling somewhat like a hooker past retirement and watching cats go by that are sure to have more interesting adventures tonight. 

I've had a lot to think about in the past 21 months. I don't know if I've gotten anywhere, maybe just self aware. That can't be that bad can it?  The trouble is, I am who I am, I won't apologize and I won't hide. There's no point. The truth comes out eventually. 

So, back to if I will find a place to comfortably have a beer alone not knowing anyone. I'm more likely to stop at the corner store and get one then drink it as I wander aimlessly down the street. 

I have to break this fear, if I can't break it then I'm not making progress. Everything is intentional, and everything has meaning. I'm here for a reason and that reason might just be to break this anxiety and grow a little bit by stretching my comfort zone. 

Maybe I'll find a nice local that will change my world. Because that would be wise. I'm still not there.

______________

Two hours later I'm having my third beer at the second bar. I feel like this is a small victory. I've had a conversation with someone who sells rental properties, and a bartender who thinks I'm hot. #easywins

Vivian Ward

I recently met Vivian, they showed up after a few weeks of planning and we spent an evening together at basecamp. Nothing monumental, just two people sharing each others company. 

We shared some silent moments, made some small talk and generally stumbled through some awkward silence.  It wasn’t long before our mutual chemistry bonded and we were gently moving closer to each other.  They found it easy to get cozy and snuggle right in after a few short hours. 

As we talked and gently touched, Vivian looked at me for a bit longer than a glance.  I clearly picked up on some energy and as we locked eyes, Vivian said quietly, “I don’t kiss reclusive mountain men… sorry”

So, you wonder, where the hell does that leave you?  You’re essentially Richard Gere in Pretty Woman wondering how much this night is going to cost you, and you think about tossing your guest down the cliff face and moving on with your regular evening of trapping squirrels and skinning them for kebabs.  No, you push through, and accept the information that seems somewhat unsolicited at this point. 

Your curiosity gets the most of you by this point and you ask, “Well, if you don’t kiss reclusive mountain men, what do you do?”  The response, comes without a flinch and they’re giving you a laundry list of interests that almost reads like a menu.  You want to ask, “My choice?” but you resist. 

Fast forward to the next day, when they’re still hanging around basecamp, and you don’t really want them to run away because after all, you find out that they do in fact “Kiss reclusive mountain men”

Send them home, you’re faced with the torment…. Is now the time to come down off of this mountain, or should I move basecamp again to secure my location?  Who knows, lets see if Vivian finds their way back to basecamp. 

Anyone know where to rent a limo in the mountains?  I might need it if things go the way they did in Pretty Woman. 

I’ll always love you, care about you…. for the next 2 seconds then i’ll be completey self involved again.

Recently, I found myself injured and was unable to actually communicate with the outside world.  One of my “handlers” took it upon themselves to contact loved ones on my behalf in concern for my safety.

I wasn’t aware any of this was going on, I was in a coma, so really it didn’t matter.

During the frantic attempts at contacting people, somehow, in the infinite wisdom, the handler felt it would be appropriate for someone out of my past, a lover, to be contacted about my well being.  Really?  this is the same person that I can credit with my current obsession of being in basecamps and the constant movement in my life. Yes, I have an idea, lets call them.

I am somewhat shocked about the way this all went down.  This individual, the former lover, in our last conversation professed that they will always care, and have a love for me.  However, upon receipt of the news that there was concern about my well being, they consciously made it fairly clear, confirming my suspicions really, that their words mean shit. I don’t mean the kind of shit that one finds on Andreas roof deck, I mean proper shit.

Maybe I just need to stop expecting people who were never honest to begin with to be honest at the end, much less to follow through with actions that match their words.

Black hat sends word by Carrier Pigeon

It wasn’t long ago that I wrote about Black Hat, Pink and Sparkles…..

It was even more recently that I received one of the most bizarre carrier pigeon messages.  Even more bizarre than some of the messages in a bottle that I’ve received from navy folk.

Yeah, It’s black hat, asking you why you wrote a blog about them, and then proceeds to hit on you because well you know.  That’s how you get back at someone for documenting a moment in their life.

I need to move farther into the bush.

Venison and a Proposal

So the past few weeks have been pretty solid packed with work as the season comes in and you realize that you left a lot of crap on the snow to get covered with more snow, and then when it melts, it’s like the whole place is littered with all kinds of garbage that you need to take care of, and some things that you forgot you had, or were searching for relentlessly in the snow. 

Spring came and went, without much to-do.  It was lovely, I did some venturing around.  Now summer seems to be upon us, and as we move along and the days begin to shorten there is so much that you need to do to keep on things.  This doesn’t mean the curve balls and twists in the story of life are any different.  It means that you have those in addition to other responsibilities. 

Earlier this week, I had a run in with some wildlife, really not all that uncommon when you’re wandering in their territory.  I mean they go wherever they want to and do as they please.  So it was no surprise to me when Bambi came trotting along into my path and ran me off the trail so she could get where she was going.  Needless to say, she didn’t get very far, and I had some fresh venison for my rations.  I would need to make sure it was properly cured so I could store it.  So I made some jerky and other things for my hiking excursions.  

As time sort of just blends together here, I spend a lot of time thinking about what the people in my life that have come and gone are up to.  I think about some more than others, I think about some daily, and others periodically.  The interesting thing about this is, when I think about people daily, I tend to not reach out to them as often.  When I think about people more periodically I’m more likely to call, write, or drop in on them.  I have this oddness about me that maintains connections with people fairly well and maybe even uncomfortably for some.  I like to let people know that I’m thinking about them because you never know when that simple action may change their day.  I also love when people do it to me. So feel free. 

The person I think about the most is my most recent ex.  They're the reason I feel the need to be isolated.  Well, it’s not all their fault, I was present in that whole mess as well, so I’m here because of me.  They were just the catalyst for the need for me to be where I am.  

That said, I have a friend that I think about constantly. (See: Thorn in my side Post)  I’ve loved them for over a decade.  We parted ways as young men on our own adventures.  We’ve reconnected over the years several times socially, and there has always been an unspoken and spoken desire for us to pursue that possibility.  I’ve been giving this a lot of thought over the past few months and I am getting to the point where I don’t think I can move along unless we do pursue that option.  I’m holding myself back from saying that out loud to them because logistically and financially it could be disastrous, we don’t live anywhere reasonably close to where we can make this happen easily.  I’ve rationalized everything about this person.  Their attractiveness, our interests, their drive and ambition and how it would make me feel more driven. I learned in the past that I don’t want to compromise for someone to the point where I don’t recognize myself anymore.  I am finally stable where I am and enjoy the life I’ve built for myself.  I don’t know how to introduce that to them, nor do I know if they would even share the interest. 

I have a feeling this conversation will happen this weekend. I hope so. It’s time, I’m ready, and it needs to be resolved. 

Dancing on my Own

So I recently heard a song that I absolutely fell in love with. It's called "Dancing on my Own" and the version I fell in love with is the one by Kings of Leon. 

I know it's tough to imagine me as a big sentimental guy (well maybe not after the past few posts) but there's something about the pain in the singers voice that just kills me when I listen to the song. I know what this guy is feeling. 

The lyrics are "I'm in the corner watching you kiss her. Im right over here why can't you see me......"  I mean it's your standard torn up heart, longing for that person they can't have. With that said, let me introduce you to some people that haven't come up yet in this blog. 

I met whistles a few months back, at a time where I much needed to meet whistles. We became close quickly. I know there were times where they wanted to throw me off a cliff face, I was a bit needy (read: a lot). To say I don't love whistles would be a lie. I absolutely love them. I credit them with being instrumental in saving my life from a bear that was attacking me. So, yeah. I owe them a lot. They know this, yet they constantly say, "ain't no thang!"  

Well when someone saves your life you either forever feel a debt to them that will never be repaid or you fall in love with them.  Obviously, both are true in my case because I'm the exception to every rule. 

Knowing that I'm capable of great love, and expect the same in return I keep my distance and watch whistles quietly from the corner, so I can be there when they need me, but I'm at a distance and not interfering.  Aha! Now you get it. 

I don't know what role whistles plays in my future but at the moment I'm glad that they're playing a role in the present. I try to take any chance to hang out and have a few laughs. They live a few ranges over so it's hard for us to connect. I'm not sure what that will look like going forward as I come down off the mountain, but I expect it will grow more and more solid as we settle into our life paths. 

The journey is the adventure, not the destination!

Thorn in my side

So there's been a song that's been on every playlist and disc and mix tape I've made since 2001. It's not my favourite song, it's a song that no matter where I am, or what I'm doing I think of the same thing. It's a memory, a fond one. 

The memory is a time past where everything was uncertain and the road ahead was limitless and exciting. I remember exactly where I was, who I was with, and the symbolism of the music. 

I've tormented myself with this music for nearly a decade and a half. The unrequited feelings that I've had for the person I was with. Knowing that no matter what I do, that person will always have a portion of my heart and it will belong to no other. 

So, what do you do?  Well in my case (our case) you try to carry on with life, you attempt to have the same feelings for others. Always in the back of your mind wondering where they are, what they're doing and if they're thinking about you as you are them. 

Pretty powerful stuff, and I'm sure you're wanting to know what song has been on every playlist since the advent of MP3 but I don't think I'm going to tell you. 

So let's cover off some of the nonsense that has happened as a result of this chunk of my heart being reserved for someone that was kept at an arms length.

First of all, I've kept them at an arms length and as a result I'm sure they've had a more difficult time moving on than they should have. Sometimes it's important to let go and allow someone to move on. 

Secondly, because we have maintained contact over the years, there has been awkward moments that you try not to acknowledge but you both know they are there. You avoid talking about them because you are afraid to resolve them. You fear resolution because you will either walk away feeling empty because there's nothing more than the status quo left, or there's a whole lot more to the situation that will make it complex and instantly confusing. 

Thirdly, you see them doing well, you avoid throwing a wrench into their life, but you look at all the things that you want and you see them with the very values and hobbies that are important to you. You resolve that you're living life in tandem but apart. 

This is tormenting, where do you go. Over the next few months I resolve to address this issue and resolve the conflict for both of us. I have no idea what form this will take, but it needs to be done. I remember one point where they asked me to let them go, so they could live. I did what I needed to do to accommodate their request and a year went by with no contact. Since then, it doesn't seem that anything changed.

Do the lyrics of that song have an eternal symbolism of the relationship we are destined for, or am I being overly analytical. 

Paulo out!

Requiem......

Why are you so hard to get over. You were just a person that was a part of my life for a brief moment. My heart latched on to you to fill a void and now it feels like forever I'll have this agony when I see you. 

I look at you and see you for what you are, a poser a person that needs validation. I'm judging you to justify my hurt. 

You told me all the things I needed to hear, a game of yours perhaps?  I don't know. 

I look at you now so many months later and I still feel the care and love you showed me. I was a broken mess then and that scared you away.  I am a broken mess now because you are a constant reminder to me of how flawed and broken I was then. You make me insecure and feel weak.  I tied too much emotion into that. I don't know how to let it go and not feel anxious when I see you. I care about you deeply and I've been an asshole to you many times. You will never believe me when I tell you I'm sorry so I am just going to torment myself with this for all time to maintain my pride because I have no way of ever explaining to you why I did what I did. I just wish you could forgive me. I just wish I could move on. 

Bitterly running through the bush

So after my Dotty and toto bullshit, I found myself perplexed with the typical questions one is faced with when they try to comprehend rejection that is intensified by loneliness. Yes I'm lonely, but not lonely enough to settle for the first mediocre offer that comes my way.

I have things in my life generally in order. I'm self sufficient, and I find myself interesting. Yet at the same time as you navigate rejection it's easy to turn that process into a pity party. Which is what happened today. Now that I'm aware of it I don't feel quite as terrible about it. However, some productive things have come out of the day. 

I've evaluated (maybe a bit more harshly than normal) the friends I have and the friends I think I have. Obviously everyone is busy and has their own life going on. So, it's not exactly the easiest thing to do to drop everything and take note of what's happening around you and that maybe some people have fallen off the radar.  The easiest way to realize who may need you to say hey is to scroll to the very bottom of your messages and find the person that's at the bottom of the list. If you're like me and you keep all your messages then you will see who has gone the longest without you interacting with them. 

It also works in other ways. If someone messages you asking for something and the last time you talked to them was over a month ago,  good chance they're only thinking of you because they need you for something. This doesn't align with my friend code and therefore these requests go unanswered. Not answering someone is painful for me. I feel it's a courtesy to be frank and reply to people but at the same time, it's also a courtesy to feel somewhat included in the lives of the people who claim to be your friend.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here. Mostly, I'm reinforcing something I've believed for a long time, when you're out of sight, you're out of mind. 

Dorothy wanders around basecamp

Interacting has become more commonplace lately, it's like somehow I missed sending the "I'm hermiting in the mountains memo" or something. 

We had Tiddly Pom and the park ranger, before that the hiker. Now today, Dorothy walks in with toto and we wander around basecamp looking at fallen timber and snow that doesn't seem to react the the positive temperatures. 

Now allow me to clarify, I'm in a hermit state because I don't trust myself in the world. I feel that any human connection is detrimental to me and could potentially be the cause of a number of restraining orders. So instead of really getting out there and sharing my flavour of crazy. I hide and sabotage it. It's like I don't even know how to chill out and be a normal human. 

Hipsters would say "normal is lame, and not in a way that lame is cool" or something. I never really listen to what those fuckers have to say, they're weird and use their bike locks as a belt and love things ironically. They probably even love the song "Ironic" by Alanis. 

So here I am wandering with Dorothy and toto and I come to the conclusion that Dotty is a hottie, toto is a cute little hell beast of a dog, when wham. A house drops on my head. Dorothy explains that they don't like me. Somewhat unsolicited but great information considering the conclusions I had just come to. Disappointing but I can live with this. 

What troubles me is that next little Dottie turns into a full blown whore and maybe implies, but maybe doesn't imply that they just wanna pull apart their meat curtains and engage in sins of the carnal variety. I'm not sure if they mean with me or not. Don't get me wrong. I can totally appreciate the desire. I'm human too. 

The trouble with going full whore and being all about exchanging bodily fluids is that to me it's an intimate act. Emotion gets involved. That emotion isn't easily separated. It's even harder to separate with a stranger that's hella attractive. Yes I've done it in the past with people. It stirs up some feelings but in cases where it's most successful it usually involves a few hours of talking, being real about the reality and me working my way through what's about to come. Yes. I'm one fucked up little elf. 

So here I am with a proposal from Dotty, I could jump right in and potentially do some damage, or I could just slide Dorothy over into the friendzone.....  I'm at a point where I think I'm just going to wait for someone that's good enough, appreciates me, and wants to shag after we've become friends as a way to move that friendship into a deeper emotional experience. 

Interacting at the transactional level for me at this point, and looking back retrospectively and honestly, has always been an emotional roller coaster where I find myself quoting Cameron Diaz from "vanilla sky" where she's in the car and says to Tom Cruise, "when you have sex with someone, your body makes a promise to them...." Then bam she crashes the car. 

So until I find someone wealthy enough to be cryogenically frozen in time due to a life threatening injury, I'm going to just keep my distance from the likes of casual sex for the sanity of myself and the safety of others. 

YOU TOOK MY RADIO!!!! Fuck you!

So, it's been a bit auspicious lately. Chaos has ensued. The park ranger discovered my whereabouts and tried to have me removed from the hillside where I am camped out. I've just set up base camp and am not really intending on going anywhere. He has no reason to justify the change in scenery, and I'm confident that there may be a correlation between the discovery by the ranger and Tiddly Pom the other passerby that I haven't yet told you about.

So, Tiddly Pom shows up like a winter storm. Blowing into town, and making everyone's cheeks rosy. I had some dialogue with them when we met up on the trails. By dialogue I mean, they just talked and talked and talked. For what seems like it could have been twenty years. The dialogue was off and on, but interesting and I've grown a respect for them as a fellow adventurer. We share some similar battles and commiserated on our shared frustrations in life. All in all Tiddly Pom (I think that's their hipster name) is an individual that i have grown to trust. So, enter Park Ranger. Now, firstly, anyone working in law enforcement (I include park rangers in this) are usually suffering from some form of psychosis. I say this because it takes a special kind of person to strap a gun to their hip daily and parade around with a superiority complex whilst feigning any interactions with people. So the park ranger approaches my camp and asks what I'm doing. I explained the variety of reasons for my stay, and the objectives. They expressed an envy for my efforts and objectives. Something that doesn't garner a whole lot of clout in my books. I mean this is my reality, it can be anyone's if they want it to be. Don't envy something you wished you could have, go out and make it yours!

The ranger and I interacted regularly over a few weeks and they came across as relatively normal. That is until Tiddly Pom met them, told them they were loony. Then it was like all stops were pulled and full blown psychotic snap!  It wasn't clear to me immediately what was going on, but as time progressed things started becoming a bit less hazy. 

The final straw was when the park ranger lost their radio and I found it. Upon its return to them, they reacted like I had intentionally taken the radio. I mean really, I hardly need your radio. I have my own wizardly technology that I tend to. Being able to speak to your group of people with your radio has about as much interest to me as using the icicles forming on the pine trees as enemas. No thank you!  So with them being full blown in criminal investigation mode (read: accusation mode) I was no longer interested in the brownies they were selling!  I asserted that I didn't take it, get over it, and go back to making smores!

Later on I watched as the park ranger, punch drunk and flying on their sugar high, had grabbed a tracker that belonged to the hiker!  What the shit! Why are you taking stuff?  They ran behind a tree and looked back screaming.  "You took my radio!!!!!!!" As if by yelling the trees would come to help them. Over and over they maniacally wailed "you took my radio! You took my radio!!!"

I had taken in enough of this little demon drama, and asked them to politely give back the tracker and we could go about our business. They were trying to evade me, so I did what any person would do in this situation, I grabbed them and restrained them so that I could secure the property that didn't belong to them.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be facing this predicament, but alas, I retrieved the device and went about my evening. 

The next day, the ranger returned to their post, and from what I've gathered from sources in town (my supply people) is that they continued to enjoy the effects of their psychotic break and the local sheriffs were called in to contend with them. I'm not sure where they went but, the ranger hasn't been seen for a few days. I'll hope they're somewhere getting assistance for their paranoid delusional attack and will come out the other end improved with some coping skills to avoid future breaks. 

Needless to say, it was an interesting encounter. The hiker has gone back to town, when I descend from my base camp I'll be sure to return their property, and move on from the short stint of infatuation with said hiker. Not a lot more to be said about that. 

I've had an opportunity to reflect on the situation, and have realized that I'm not sure I made a great choice on how open this base camp is. I'll be scouting a new base camp position and what that looks like over the next while. Until then, I'm covert enough that I shouldn't need to worry too much about visitors and guests. 

The Hiker Returns.... With a tale...

So, here I am sitting in front of a crackling fire, obsessing over this hiker that made an appearance the other day.  Having some canned beans and stewed squirrel for dinner, when who walks in?  That’s right!  This fucking hiker shows up distraught and seemingly disoriented.  I just about spit the squirrel into the fire as I jumped up. 

Their "Hi" was casual as in like, “Oh Hey Paulo, whats up?  I’m here, it’s no big deal….”  I could clearly tell they were different than the last time I saw them.  As we talked, it becomes clear from their account of the past few days that they’ve had quite the adventure.  (Keeping in mind, I’ve been on this hillside for about 8 months now, so my people skills are somewhat lack lustre and I'm grilling them like a Spaniard would.  Remember that I’m also very lonely, so I am confused myself about how to proceed because yes, they're just as hot as they were a few days ago.)

As the story goes on, they recount their experience and the past few days since leaving the basecamp.  They had misplaced their map which totally sucks when you are following an unmarked trail.  The loss of the map put them on a wrong trail.  They admitted that they had thought about following their steps back to my location immediately, but they were convinced that everything was okay and kept on.

So, they continued their hike and the events of the adventure through the various switch backs, over the peaks, and through the trees.  They had a brief and near deadly encounter with a bear that they were luckily able to scare off by playing Justin Bieber music (which bothered me that they had that available to them on a mountain side, but hey, I'll pack that little bastard for my next trip if it works.)  They became more uneasy as nightfall hit, and they were lucky to find a cave in the hillside and were able to spend a few nights in while they figured out what to do.  They thanked me for keeping them alive with the gift of my squirrel jerky I gave them when they made their departure from my Basecamp. 

As they told me the tale of their adventure, I couldn’t help but take note of their full canteen of water.  Not really that odd, I have found fresh water in various locations, so they could have done the same.  I’m not sure if now would be a good time to point out that I am generally suspect of people and have some pretty major trust issues surrounding the people I meet especially as they tell me tales that are somewhat incredulous.  I have met a number of “one-uppers”  in life. (“one uppers” are people that no matter what you say, they’ve got a similar story that is to them a more insane and better version to tell.) I usually run from these people as fast as my tiny legs can carry me.

Anyhow, back to the poor hiker, I offered them some of my beans and squirrel and they said they weren't hungry… ? Huh? You’ve only had about 3 strips of jerky in as many days and you aren’t hungry?  Something seems off, are they anorexic?  How did they even manage to make it back here with no energy?

That’s when it dawned on me, they were wearing new gloves.  This lying fucker hadn’t been lost in the hills, they were home and have come back for whatever god damned reason.  What was going on, was I being punked?  I looked around for a crew and cameras, and promising myself that whoever decided to put this together would be circumcised with the lid from my canned beans.  I was instantly on the offensive. I completely shut everything off as far as conversation went and stuck to listening to their tale, and seeing just how big of a hole they would dig for themselves.  I also took this opportunity to try and figure out how the hell I was going to get rid of them, because something wasn't right.  

Now, normally I would just call them out and call their bullshit.  Something in this case suggested that could end up resulting in Paulo Jerky, soooooo, I need a strategy.  I guess the goal will be to figure out a way to make myself repulsive?  That’s pretty much impossible, I’m as sexy as Jennie Garth in that candy shoes ad where she’s sitting taking a crap.  Yeah, I’m pretty irresistible, and I've found that sometimes the more awful you can be to someone the more they want to stick around.  Martyr Complex?

I'll be honest, the lonely part of me kicks in.  "Maybe they are trying to impress you, and get your attention?"  It is clearly my fault that I didn’t give them the attention at the beginning like I should have.  I mean had I shown my true thoughts and feelings when they showed up, they would have been clear on how cool I thought they were to begin with and they wouldn’t need to compensate so much?  Make sense? Nope, it’s fucking crazy, that’s why.  They probably would have thought I was a lonely and desperate mountain man and wouldn't have come back for a second look.  I've been that guy before, sometimes you have to have a second look to find out if something is crap or not. 

Alright, so whats the strategy here?  I have some options…

I can ask them why they’re fibbing?  Is it for effect?  Do they actually believe what they are telling me?  If it's for effect, then they can stop, cause I'm into them.  If they believe what they are saying (even if they don't want to admit they're doing it for attention, then.... yeah, that settles that)

I can ignore it, and try absolutely anything to get them to share a sleeping bag with me for a few days. (Being the second of the month, I had my monthly bath yesterday, WIN!)  This may not work out well in the long run as they may never leave and my 5 months remaining up here will be shortened immensely from diminishing rations. 

I can just withdraw from them completely, ask them to leave me alone, and go on about my business.  However, that one leaves me with unanswered questions as to why they did it.  Anyone that knows me knows that this will torment me for life. 

So, I think about it some more… Do they suffer from Martyr Syndrome? 

Here I am sitting across the fire from this individual, who hours earlier I was obsessed with.  Now, I’m just looking at them, awkwardly.  I lied and blamed this on my social awkwardness from being isolated, but really, I’m fighting the urge to say.  “Why the fuck are you here, and what the fuck do you want from me.  I know you went somewhere and got new gloves and you’re lying about a bear.  The only bear you’re going to have a run in with will be me, and yes, Justin Bieber will make me run away too.”

This my friends, is why I'm up here in the first place.  So, maybe I’ll fill you in on how things progress as I find out more….