Myrna, Beulah, and Prudence

Sometimes people come into our lives and we tend to overthink and over evaluate what the meaning is.  I have three of those particular people that I have been trying to figure out lately.  I don't know if I'm supposed to pursue romantic congress, or what exactly their station is in my circumstance. 

I don't know what the situation is half the time, because they can't seem to send a direct enough message for me to intercept, and I'm not sure if I should over think the situation or not.  It likely has a little bit to do with my ego, which I need to remember to check.  The ego thing in itself is such a cluster fuck of the mind which makes you think that you are awesome, then in the next breath you have self image and self worth issues that make you question if you're worthy of what you think you deserve. It's a vicious cycle. 

Myrna is a great lady, she smiles and laughs, and is a caring soul.  There are hints that she would like to say something that is on her mind, my ego says that she likes me and wants to pursue something with me.  My self worth wonders why.  Then I think about the signs, and over analyze everything to death and somehow get myself into a tizzy where I am delusional and have the following conversation with myself,

"oh wow, they want to date me.  I don't know how that makes me feel?  I can't let on that I think they want to date me because if I'm wrong then I everything will be awkward, but I think they want to date me and I don't know if they do or not, so that's all I'm going to think about and when I do interact with them its going to be super awkward because I have to be smart and not let on that I think they want to date me...."

Yeah, its a cluster fuck in the brain that is just the most amazing experience one can have.  So, what I've learned from this is... I'm an idiot and I don't pick up on subtext, well that's not true.  What is true is, I have ADHD and people with ADHD sometimes can't pick up on subtext, but when they do, they sometimes (read: nearly always) over analyze the situation and read far more into it than they need to. 

Repeat the story above with Beulah, and again with Prudence, and you will have a pretty good summary of the past 10 years of my life with people that are friends and wanted more, or people that eluded to things, and when I caught on it was a bit too late. 

How the fuck do you go back and apologize to these people and tell them that you're a grade A asshole?  Answer, you don't, it's their fucking fault for beating around the bush and not telling you their truth.   Sometimes, being evasive, and elusive is stupid because it works.  There are people out there that may not like the truth, but it's certainly more efficient than playing a game of coy school girl.  The only time I like that game is when we're role playing in the bedroom (as consenting adults.)

Well that is my procrastination rant for the evening, I have to be up early to boil water for my monthly sponge bath.