We had Tiddly Pom and the park ranger, before that the hiker. Now today, Dorothy walks in with toto and we wander around basecamp looking at fallen timber and snow that doesn't seem to react the the positive temperatures.
Now allow me to clarify, I'm in a hermit state because I don't trust myself in the world. I feel that any human connection is detrimental to me and could potentially be the cause of a number of restraining orders. So instead of really getting out there and sharing my flavour of crazy. I hide and sabotage it. It's like I don't even know how to chill out and be a normal human.
Hipsters would say "normal is lame, and not in a way that lame is cool" or something. I never really listen to what those fuckers have to say, they're weird and use their bike locks as a belt and love things ironically. They probably even love the song "Ironic" by Alanis.
So here I am wandering with Dorothy and toto and I come to the conclusion that Dotty is a hottie, toto is a cute little hell beast of a dog, when wham. A house drops on my head. Dorothy explains that they don't like me. Somewhat unsolicited but great information considering the conclusions I had just come to. Disappointing but I can live with this.
What troubles me is that next little Dottie turns into a full blown whore and maybe implies, but maybe doesn't imply that they just wanna pull apart their meat curtains and engage in sins of the carnal variety. I'm not sure if they mean with me or not. Don't get me wrong. I can totally appreciate the desire. I'm human too.
The trouble with going full whore and being all about exchanging bodily fluids is that to me it's an intimate act. Emotion gets involved. That emotion isn't easily separated. It's even harder to separate with a stranger that's hella attractive. Yes I've done it in the past with people. It stirs up some feelings but in cases where it's most successful it usually involves a few hours of talking, being real about the reality and me working my way through what's about to come. Yes. I'm one fucked up little elf.
So here I am with a proposal from Dotty, I could jump right in and potentially do some damage, or I could just slide Dorothy over into the friendzone..... I'm at a point where I think I'm just going to wait for someone that's good enough, appreciates me, and wants to shag after we've become friends as a way to move that friendship into a deeper emotional experience.
Interacting at the transactional level for me at this point, and looking back retrospectively and honestly, has always been an emotional roller coaster where I find myself quoting Cameron Diaz from "vanilla sky" where she's in the car and says to Tom Cruise, "when you have sex with someone, your body makes a promise to them...." Then bam she crashes the car.
So until I find someone wealthy enough to be cryogenically frozen in time due to a life threatening injury, I'm going to just keep my distance from the likes of casual sex for the sanity of myself and the safety of others.
word!
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